It comes to the end of another week and once again I have waited until Saturday to write my blog entry. I normally have an idea or two of what I want to write about but last week and this I didn’t had a clue of what I should say.
The past month has been consumed with the Pan Jujitsu Tournament. This by far was the biggest tournament I have ever competed in and the most stressful. It was very very important for me to do well and although I lost my first match what I gained was greater than any victory.
As I’ve stated before, my love for and desire to obtain a black belt in BJJ has lend me to leave the security of my home in Cleveland and relocate to Austin, TX. From the first day I felt as though I was an intercity kid immediately transferred to Harvard. It has been a constant game of catch up not only accepting the limitations but the possibilities of my body. I did not have the luxury of a smaller instructor but I did have one who stressed the important of a good foundation, and without his lessons I would not have been able to even begin to piece together the picture that will one day become my game.
I can remember when I first arrived at Christy’s and Phil’s academy. I was a four strip blue belt. Far below a majority of their students but at my old academy I was the highest-ranking female. Yes I had trouble with the larger blue and white belts but in a way I was convinced if not by myself but by others it was because I was small. Most of the guys at the Cleveland academy, whether they admit it or not, would give me a break because of my size but once at Austin there was none of that. I was crushed, smashed, squeezed and turned into a pretzel. There has been more than one night I week I have left in tears not because they were too rough but solely out of my own frustration. I have now come to realize this frustration is not a lack of ability but knowing I’m better than the person how I just allow to beat me.
Over the past seven months I have seen my game begin to piece together. It has been extremely important to me to concentrate on studying jiu jitsu and polishing what I know and what I do well. If I cannot execute a simple armbar from the guard how can I ever execute it from the back or side-body.
For the Pans I weighed in at 107.5, with my gi, I was at an incredible disadvantage. I feel a little weak do to a massive anxiety attack I had an hour before my match leaving my with chest pains. As a side note, I have arrhythmia that I have learned is worsen on by anxiety. This tournament is not the only stressful situation in my life, i.e. work and “home’; so my poor little heart has been on a living a roller coaster of stop, slow down, now go, go faster, stop.
That passed weekend I fought with a girl who despite her best efforts could not submit me. Unfortunately, despite mine I could not submit her either. In the end she stored 9 points against me. I remember getting up looking at the score thinking, that’s it? Was that really only 6 minutes and she could only score nine points? Afterwards, I spoke with my corner who gave me some good advice about competition and what he does to gain points. Out of respect for him and his game I will not repeat the conversation however the main point he made was that competition is a points game. It is about switching from position to position, gaining points. A completely and total different game that learning how to protection oneself from a rapist.
Despite the lost in my division and then getting sat on in the open. I’m not kidding, she sat on me and punched me in the face…twice. The frustrating part is I’m more upset by this loss than the one in my division. The girl in my division was not only my size but also technically my equal, however; the girl in the open was not as nearly as technical as me she was just…fat. I would like to stress that despite what happened my opponent is a very nice girl who accepted a playful half nelson from me after her hand was raised in victory. Actually win or lose I think I love and cherish all of the friends I have made through jiu jitsu; we are an awesome group of girls.
Where was I, oh yes my loses, despite this all I am very proud of what I have accomplished in the 7 months I have been training at the Austin academy as well as at the Pans. I have seen my game improve so much that I have surprised myself. I have an awesome group of training partners as well as instructors. I finally feel I have the right to wear the blue around my waist and look forward to competing with it at the Worlds in June.
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